NEW YORK, New York – Michael Lombardi is your typical American businessman. Everyday he commutes from his apartment on the Upper West side to his job in the Financial District. He starts his commute at 7:35am and returns to his two-bedroom apartment around 7:13pm. On the streets of Manhattan, he looks like your average working-man, yet, what sets him apart from other New York businessmen is that he has no idea what he does at his job.
Lombardi works for a major investment firm on West Street that is considered one of the top wealth management companies in the country. When asked about what he does during a normal workday, Lombardi told reporters that he usually spends the first two hours opening and closing webpages in Google Chrome.
“My official job title is ‘Financial Advisor’ but I haven’t been doing much advising lately,” Lombardi says. “Yesterday I made a list of my favorite jungle animals in alphabetical order, so I guess you could say things are going well.”
Reporters proceeded to ask whether or not his supervisors gave him any guidance and he quickly responded by saying: “My manager visited my desk the other day and said ‘keep up the good work David. That statistical report looked great!’ My name isn’t David and I don’t know what report he was talking about, but I figured, hell, I might as well be David.” Lombardi claims that he has been posing as an unknown David at the office now for the past two weeks.
Unlike other jobs in the financial industry, Lombardi takes a very unorthodox approach to helping his investors. He calls his advising method ‘flipping a coin.’ “One of my clients asked me if investing in natural gas was a good idea. I have no idea how gas is traded so I just used my most reliable decision making technique, ‘heads or tails.”
As financial markets become increasingly more volatile in today’s economy, one flustered investor came to Lombardi requesting his expertise on buying commodities such as gold. “Never buy gold,” Lombardi remarked, “If you go to Target and try to buy a pair of sandals with a gold brick, is the cashier going to accept your transaction? No, of course not. We’re not living in ancient Egypt anymore. People have to get with the times.”
Lombardi states that he hopes to find a job one day where he actually knows what he’s doing.
Lombardi works for a major investment firm on West Street that is considered one of the top wealth management companies in the country. When asked about what he does during a normal workday, Lombardi told reporters that he usually spends the first two hours opening and closing webpages in Google Chrome.
“My official job title is ‘Financial Advisor’ but I haven’t been doing much advising lately,” Lombardi says. “Yesterday I made a list of my favorite jungle animals in alphabetical order, so I guess you could say things are going well.”
Reporters proceeded to ask whether or not his supervisors gave him any guidance and he quickly responded by saying: “My manager visited my desk the other day and said ‘keep up the good work David. That statistical report looked great!’ My name isn’t David and I don’t know what report he was talking about, but I figured, hell, I might as well be David.” Lombardi claims that he has been posing as an unknown David at the office now for the past two weeks.
Unlike other jobs in the financial industry, Lombardi takes a very unorthodox approach to helping his investors. He calls his advising method ‘flipping a coin.’ “One of my clients asked me if investing in natural gas was a good idea. I have no idea how gas is traded so I just used my most reliable decision making technique, ‘heads or tails.”
As financial markets become increasingly more volatile in today’s economy, one flustered investor came to Lombardi requesting his expertise on buying commodities such as gold. “Never buy gold,” Lombardi remarked, “If you go to Target and try to buy a pair of sandals with a gold brick, is the cashier going to accept your transaction? No, of course not. We’re not living in ancient Egypt anymore. People have to get with the times.”
Lombardi states that he hopes to find a job one day where he actually knows what he’s doing.